A Toast to My Father-of-the-Bride Toast

In December 2023, my daughter announced she was getting married. She and her fiancé set the wedding date for just six months away. I was thrilled and excited, followed by an anxiety-producing revelation in the pit of my stomach: I would have to deliver a father-of-the-bride speech.

On top of a normal level of public speaking anxiety, I have an additional challenge as a lifelong stutterer. Although it has become less of a problem over the years, certain situations can trigger it back to its full-blown worst, and giving a prepared speech to 120 people qualified as one of those situations. I knew at a minimum I would have to say the necessary thank you’s and give the bride and groom a toast. At first, that was my only goal.

However, I realized I needed to finally overcome my fear of public speaking. I had heard about Toastmasters and decided this was the perfect time to see if it could help me. With the wedding being so close, I jumped in and joined two clubs so I could double the practice.

Members of Hunterdon Speak Easy Club and Warren County Toastmasters (both in New Jersey) were welcoming and supportive of my goals. I took on as many speaking roles as I could, including delivering my Ice Breaker speech. Watching the other, more seasoned members taught me a lot, and their feedback was invaluable. My goal for the toast quickly shifted to delivering a full speech.

I scheduled a speaking slot close to the wedding date, so I could get final feedback. The insights I gained at that meeting altered the speech for the better. I made some changes and committed it to memory.

The big day finally came. I practiced the speech one last time with a friend in the morning and then put it out of my mind and enjoyed the day’s activities. This alone—the ability to relax and escape my anxiety for a bit—would not have been possible six months ago. Before the reception, I arranged to have my wedding toast be one of the first items on the agenda, so I could be done and enjoy my meal.

The moment was just about here. Music was playing and guests were loudly chattering as they took their seats. I tried to run through each paragraph of the speech in my head, but I found that I could not think with all the noise. I could not remember any of it!

I quickly stepped outside and pulled out an emergency copy of the speech. I may as well have been looking at a page of Arabic or Chinese, as none of it was registering. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I remembered the first and second paragraphs were about thanking people, and the first line to my daughter was, “Allie, you and I have been on an incredible ride.” After five minutes of stalling, I went back in.

I somehow felt strangely confident. I folded my speech up and put it away. I decided just to go up there and enjoy it. Whatever happened would be fine. 

The result? As soon as I picked up the microphone and started speaking, the speech came back to me. But it was not exactly as I had memorized—it was better. I was saying the same thing but with different words, and it seemed more natural and spontaneous.

I forgot some small bits but added a few others in. I was relaxed and confident. I would even say I was having a good time. My simple goal of “thank you’s and a toast” had turned into a relaxed, funny, and heartfelt eight-minute speech delivered without notes.

I cannot tell you how impossible this would have seemed just six months earlier. The unexpected cherry on top was that I had several close friends and family members tell me it was the best father-of-the-bride speech they had ever heard!

Toastmasters taught me that there is so much more to public speaking than just “getting through it.” Even though I have a lot to learn, the awareness of what makes a good public speaker shifted my focus from the words to the message and how to deliver it.

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